PiDDLE News Network

The lead story this week of Terrell Owens' attempted suicide (or whatever) is sad commentary on the news media. Really, who cares about this crap? How does it relate in the area of relavance and importance in our world? Does it even register at all? No, it does not.

And this is a lead story? It should be buried, even in the sports segment.

The news media people are the new snake oil salespeople of our age. Selling the perceived disaster du jour to the highest bidder, they peddle their wares to the detriment of society. Where is the benefit here? There is none.

Let the internet continue to crush these people until they no longer exist. More on Terrell Owens

Is it just me, or is Katie Couric the most boring news anchor in the history of television? Talk about out of her element! Her sleep cycle must be totally out of whack from getting up at 4AM for the last 20 years. She looks like she needs a couple cups of coffee or something. Her voice is and energy are flat, flat, flat.

For the dough she is making, she should be a little more perky. Maybe she can pay someone to work her time slot.

I apologize on behalf of drivers, in advance, to the cyclists killed by motorists over the next year. Folks, I think it's inevitable. You cycling people are going to die in large numbers on the road. Possibly the largest numbers ever. And it's not what you think.

I have personally tried in vain to keep track of your cycling movements on my daily commute. But it is impossible to do so, I am sorry and frustrated to say. I am aggressively checking and rechecking mirrors and roadsides for you at every opportunity. Not to mention the extra vigilance I exercise in bike path areas. But you keep surprising me. Turning up in unexpected places. Often.

I, too, am an athlete and understand the great freedom and pride that goes with pedaling your way to your destination. Don't change. But understand that there is extreme risk with your increasing amount of wheeled freedom.

I have good eyesight, but the sun blinds me at times. And your increasing numbers on non-bike-designated roads is a real problem here. I can see larger objects, like cars, but you are hidden at times. I wish I could see you at all times, but I cannot.

Cars are big; you are small. You will lose to the cars every time. It just doesn't feel that way to you. I believe the confidence you feel in your brightly colored outfits breeds a dangerous arrogance at times. Some of you yell at drivers trying to get out of your way. Christ, people! Think, would you?

Celebrate that you are more fit than most people. Do not let that fact seduce you into carelessness.

By the way, I am sorting out 1000 variables when I am driving. Your bike is added to the list. If I don't see you, you will not make the long list.

I am so bummed. And sorry you folks have to die. I am doubling my efforts, starting today, to see more of you. But the math points to more of you meeting an early end.

I get your biking gig, I really do. Farewell.

The Pope's Christain-Muslim crisis deepened today as Vatican chefs searched for appropriate foods to serve for the Pope's inter-faith luncheon on Monday. According to sources, Vatican food authorites were scouring the internet to find culinary common ground with the guests expected to arrive as soon as Sunday evening.

Storm Large has paid her dues and is destined to rise to super-stardom. Her Odyssey, beginning in California and stopping in Portland, Oregon, over the last few years, has been informative for her. It is Portland that provided a glimpse of what is possible as that town was the first to "get" her in a big way. With her substantial talent showcased for the world to see during SuperNova, there is no stopping her.

Who has seen a more spectacular showing under pressure? It was her years of doing music shows that contributed to the composure under fire. Passion. Voice. Humor. Dignity.
Ms. Large, enjoy your continued journey. You've earned it. Let each gold shilling remind you of the sweat and determination it took to get there.

Paris Hilton's album sounds as if she was singing under the influence. She should be arrested for exposing the world to mediocrity. Why do we continue to buy it? We should all be arrested for buying under the influence of the celebrity of the day.

Ms. Hilton's access and savvy media manipulation has been amazing. But we'll have our turn uncovering and telling the truth. Coming next week - Quintin Anchorhand interviews Paris Hilton!

Stay tuned for that one!

What makes Tiger Woods a world-class athlete? Is it superior genetics? Is it his experience? Are we really to believe that his father jingling keys in his pocket while he was attempting to hit a golf shot when he was six years old is the drill for concentration and performance? Don't bet on it.

Tiger is tough because he was constantly mocked for having the cute, cuddly stuffed Tiger headcover on his driver. It was self preservation. Which became a basis for focus and a drive to achieve and succeed at a high level.

So if you want to excel, wear a bad shirt. Or get a terrible haircut. You will be ridiculed by society mercilessly. It will make you want to hide - or become a world class performer.