PiDDLE News Network

Peanuts Have Been Shown to Bring Deceased People Back from the Dead

Peanuts have been shown to raise the dead in a study by the journal "Miracle".
In a month-long study, dead people eating peanuts were shown to come back to life. The formerly dead people appeared quite grateful to be alive again, and cited the peanut for their recoveries. Bill Squall, a peanut farmer, exclaimed, "This is really gonna increase sales, I think!"

Tiger and Elin

Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin, announced the birth of a daughter, Sam Alexis, yesterday. Discarded names for the baby are included below.

1. Brandy Extension
2. Piped Piper
3. Sandy Trap
4. Poa Seeker
5. Stimpmeter Mary
6. Grace SkyCaddie
7. Little Stevie
8. Nike Nike
9. Major Susan
10.Putt For Dough

SELMER, Tenn. - Investigators said Monday it will take time to figure out exactly why a drag-racing car lost control, spinning into a crowd of spectators and killing six people.

“We’ll look at everything, including the driver and the actual car itself, and everything surrounding the venue,” said Mike Browning, spokesman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

The six victims were in their teens and early 20s, Browning said. Saturday’s wreck injured at least 20 others, including a 5-year-old boy, who were taken to hospitals in Tennessee and Mississippi.

Prince: Not Really A "Prince"

Rock star Prince shocked media specialists and rock critics by sharing that he wasn't really a prince. The Royal Family in England expressed relief from the admission calling it a "thoughtful and truthful declaration" while also adding "...his music is entirely too loud to be Royal, really. A real Royal Prince would have music that was light and thought-provoking, perhaps with harps in the background. It certainly would not have screeching, amplified notes from wailing guitars, creating a chaotic spectacle of epic scale."

Ira Blumenthal: "These Blocks Are Literally As Big As My Head"

Motivational speaker Ira Blumnethal's new speech, "I Am A Block Head", received rave reviews from the Society for Food Industry Honesty in May. "Wow, most people come in and say how great they are," a surprised conference goer exclaimed, "He said he was a block-head. You know, after hearing him speak, I believe him!"

Block-head indeed. With a resume featuring a number of ill-conceived food concepts including the Supreme Court (an attempt at a creating an aircraft-carrier sized food buffet), Blumnethal has made a living out of calling his failures, successes. With most of his ideas being complete flops, Blumenthal is looking for a base hit. Some say he should concentrate on speaking on failure, where he is an expert.

Blumenthal's rap is tired and in need of a tuneup. His book, "Top Six Things I would Do If I Ever Had An Idea", sold a total of six copies over five years.