PiDDLE News Network

Obama Discusses Race Relations

Good morning. Race is a funny thing. And a race is a funny thing. There are all kinds of races, and all kinds of race relations. Just like there are many kinds of leaves.

Today, we find ourselves in a presidential race. But some of us prefer to be in a car race. Or a space race. Or a race to the refrigerator to make a ham sandwich. By the way, for the record, ham is a cured meat that may or may not contain nitrates, depending on the manufacturer.

When there is a race, there is a winner and loser. There are no ties. Have you ever heard of a race where there was not a winner? Didn't think so. So today, and for all time, I am suggesting that we change the term "race" to "crace". That way, we'll all be equal. There will be no inclination to pick winners and losers, first or second place. That is what crace relations are all about.

See, how about the power of words! Aren't words powerful? Yes they are. Now, is there any ham around here?

The New Bear Stearns Logo: A Bear On Its Back

Bear Sterns unveiled a new logo that better captures its financial state of affairs: A bear on its back. The updside down cubby captures the sad, current essence of this once proud institution. President Malcolm Stadler commented, "Umm, we're proud of the new start and this new logo. And other things, too. I'm certain of it. I have no further comment."

Due to extraordinary demand, PiDDLE NEWS NETWORK announces the availability of PiDDLE T-Shirts for a limited time. Available in Large and Extra Large, these 100% black cotton shirts are comfortable and sport the inimitable PiDDLE News logo prominently on its front.

To order, contact sales@crosscutusa.com with your size and request. A representative will call to complete the order.

Barack and Hillary Don "Mod Squad" Costumes for a Party

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama put on "Mod Squad" costumes this week to show a rare stance of unity between them. "I'm still going to be president - and he can be VP," quipped Senator Clinton. "Not so fast Dan-O", retorted Senator Obama, "let's just deal with the facts, m'am".

Barack Obama is Literally Choking Under Pressure

Barack Obama is literally choking under the pressure of his presidential campaign, aids say. This photo shows him choking himself to deal with the mounting pressures of the campaign trail. An anonymous staffer tells PeeNN that Mr. Obama is no longer able to pick food menu items at meal times since he is preoccupied with his commitments and responsibilities.