PiDDLE News Network

Ben Affleck closely inspects a new staircase for imperfections at his Long Island home on Thursday of last week. The actor found no cause for alarm after viewing the construction. Even so, his laptop and movie notes for his screenplay, "The One Who Couldn't But Did Anyway", were destroyed during the visual review.

A Modest New Bear Stearns Corporate Headquarters Was Unveiled This Week

The new Bear Stearns Headquarters was unveiled this week in upstate New York. The disgraced firm, reeling from a number of financial losses, had to downsize their ambitions to reflect their new financial reality. It's not Manhattan, but we'll adjust," the new CEO Cruddy Cookenheimer stated. They do have plans for improvements. "We're hoping to have running water by Q4," the CEO stated in closing.





In the new lunchroom, meals are served on recycled paper plates. The plates, still soggy from an earlier cleansing, represent an ill-fated attempt to trim costs at all costs. The moisture is absorbed into the bread of the sandwiches, turning some employees off. Bottled water is banned. And casual Fridays mean that the tent is propped open to allow for some semblance of a breeze. "We'll get though this," the receptionist, Clina Ward, insisted, "but some days it doesn't feel like the same place."

This Photo From the "Indiana Jones: Temple of Arthritis" Movie Set Was Released this Week

Harrison Ford stars in the new "Indiana Jones" movie to be released in late 2009. Photos of the movie set were released today showing that great care is being exercised for the aging actor. The aging actor, who is confined to a motorized cart, is being physically "propped up" for various scenes in the action-thriller.

The Pope Bobblehead is Sure to Be a Hot Seller. Buy One or Burn in Hell.

Pope Benedict unveiled the real reason for his trip to America today: To promote his new bobblehead doll.

The handsome doll is a replica of the Pope, from head to toe. The bobblehead neck allows the Pope's fake head to look uncertain, yet dignified. Pricing on the bobblehead is $12.95, not including shipping. People who purchase the product are guaranteed salvation. Proceeds go to Pope Bendict shoe fund.




In other Pope news, the Vatican announced that Pope Benedict has banned Catholics from drinking Mountain Dew. Citing the Gnostic uprising, the Pope declared Mountain Dew dangerous and very much like the "stuff that caused problems" during the second century. "Good Catholics will know not to drink this evil liquid," he Pontif, well, pontificated. "And if 7-UP doesn't watch out, they're next."