PiDDLE News Network

Engaging Bridesmaids' Photo from Dr. Phil's Son's Wedding

Dr. Phil's publicist has released a photo from his son's wedding. The photo, featuring the bride and two members of the wedding party leaning up against an oversized Playboy magazine cover, is provocative. Dr. Phil released a statement about the ceremony. "You don't need a shovel to dig yourself a grave. If you want to be a sandwich, you need some bread," the bald guru commented. Oprah, in a prepared statement, commented as well. "I have never been more embarrassed for an associate, and by extension, for myself. No further comment"

Katie Couric to Leave the News to become Bodybuilder

Catie Couric is leaving CBS news to become a bodybuilder. Her bulging biceps are already bristling at the possibility of hitting the gym in search of prize money. "It's a change, definately," the newsanchor stated. "But it is a welcome change that will provide great opportunity for growth."

Michelle Wie "Moonwalking" Down the Fairway at the Cloon Tournament

Goofy golf phenom Michelle Wie is in love with Robin Lopez, a fellow student at Stanford. And to show her rosy glee, she has taken to "moonwalking" her way down fairways at her tournaments. Morgan Pressel, another young up and comer on the tour, expressed disbelief. "It is kind of creepy," the young Ms. Pressel stated. "Boyfriend or no boyfriend, she should walk normally down the fairway like everyone else." Natalie Gulbis agreed, in a way. "I am glad to be a part of the LPGA tour," the diplomatic Ms. Gulbis stated. "And I support people's right to walk anyway they want. I have never been a fan of the "moonwalk".

Sam the Sniper "Hides" in a Tree

A sniper has emerged to corroborate Hillary Clinton's sniper story from last month. "She's right; I was there," Sam Sniper said in a published statement. "I am just not a very good shot. I stink, really. But that's OK, I like Hillary more than Mr. Obama. She has the experience. Obama is not ready to govern at this level yet."

The Obama camp had no comment on Sam Sniper's comment.

Obama Discusses Race Relations

Good morning. Race is a funny thing. And a race is a funny thing. There are all kinds of races, and all kinds of race relations. Just like there are many kinds of leaves.

Today, we find ourselves in a presidential race. But some of us prefer to be in a car race. Or a space race. Or a race to the refrigerator to make a ham sandwich. By the way, for the record, ham is a cured meat that may or may not contain nitrates, depending on the manufacturer.

When there is a race, there is a winner and loser. There are no ties. Have you ever heard of a race where there was not a winner? Didn't think so. So today, and for all time, I am suggesting that we change the term "race" to "crace". That way, we'll all be equal. There will be no inclination to pick winners and losers, first or second place. That is what crace relations are all about.

See, how about the power of words! Aren't words powerful? Yes they are. Now, is there any ham around here?

The New Bear Stearns Logo: A Bear On Its Back

Bear Sterns unveiled a new logo that better captures its financial state of affairs: A bear on its back. The updside down cubby captures the sad, current essence of this once proud institution. President Malcolm Stadler commented, "Umm, we're proud of the new start and this new logo. And other things, too. I'm certain of it. I have no further comment."

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Barack and Hillary Don "Mod Squad" Costumes for a Party

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama put on "Mod Squad" costumes this week to show a rare stance of unity between them. "I'm still going to be president - and he can be VP," quipped Senator Clinton. "Not so fast Dan-O", retorted Senator Obama, "let's just deal with the facts, m'am".

Barack Obama is Literally Choking Under Pressure

Barack Obama is literally choking under the pressure of his presidential campaign, aids say. This photo shows him choking himself to deal with the mounting pressures of the campaign trail. An anonymous staffer tells PeeNN that Mr. Obama is no longer able to pick food menu items at meal times since he is preoccupied with his commitments and responsibilities.

Canines Are Attracted to the new "Starpups" Store in Seattle
Starbucks Corp., in an effort to increase customer traffic, has opened its first Starpups store in Seattle. The high concept store, catering to dogs and dog-lovers, serves hot water and overpriced dog bones. Howard Schultz, founder of Starbucks commented, "We really forgot that dogs do not have money, so I think we missed the mark a little on this one. But we are open to how this unfolds; we'll see what happens. We hurried a little here, but that's better than standing still. Where's the Dunkin' Donuts from here?"

Starbucks stock sank another 5% today in heavy trading.

The last photo of Princess Diana before her car hit a pole.

A final photo of Princess Diana was released today by Press International. The photo, taken by photographers on the hood of her crashing car, shows Diana turning her head just before the car hit a cement pole. Seemingly unaware of her pending doom, Diana turned her head to evade providing a face shot in the photo. The driver and passenger appear to be high or drunk.


The last photo of Princess Diana before her car hit a pole.

Tabloids: Is Warren Buffet Gay?

Is Warren Buffet Gay? That's the rumor circulating the tabloids this week as several Buffet man-friendly photos have surfaced on the internet. The seventy-year old has been seen cavorting with a number of men lately, including long-time buddy Bill Gates. Buffet was married at one time but has seemed to prefer the company of men lately, according to tabloid reports.

Barack Obama in "Bay Watch: Obama"

CBS announced a new show for Spring, "Bay Watch: Obama". The show will center on the presidential hopeful and his part-time job as a life guard at a Chicago pool. Series creator Lenore Cline said, "OK, so the pool isn't exactly a bay, but we think this is compelling television." One of the episodes features Obama making a stump speech in SPEEDOS(R).
Asked how he was going to be able to make time for a television show amid campaigning, Mr. Obama stated, "I don't know."